In a world that grows increasing allergic to everything and scared of almost everything, the OPCW, USCWC, and UNODA have all added gluten as a banned chemical weapon
WCNN - Reporter
The UN, United States Chemical Weapons Convention (USCWC), and the Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons Convention (OPCW) have all agreed to add gluten to the chemical weapons ban list.
"With the growing trend in gluten free foods and the growing concerns of gluten poisoning and overall bad stuff, we're concerned, as a collective international entity, that Islam will use gluten to scare Western societies. We got a jump on the problem, and banned it early to give our unified military forces more leverage in combating terrorists all over the globe." - Permanent Representative of OPCW member state, UK, Sir Geoffrey Adams released in a press statement earlier today.
"We want more avenues to invade and bomb other places around the world we don't like. We know that Islamic states don't like pigs, so if we see any increased sales or imports on pork, we'll have the means to invade and control more Middle East countries" - stated an unnamed source in a hallway wearing a lot of United States military badges and other shiny things.
WCNN did not bother to tell him he was mistaking 'protein' for 'gluten'.
It is clear that no real studies or economic research was conducted prior to voting on the measure. Currently, per the new mandates, the United States, China, Indonesia and Thailand (in that order) are the world's largest manufactures of banned chemical weapons.
The new mandate has also placed some of the world's top private companies on the list of chemical weapons producers including the U.S. based Archer Daniels Midland company who currently operates in 75 countries and runs 265 processing plants converting corn and wheat, among other products, into various energy products, but essentially, gluten - the now banned substance.
Budweiser announced it would be moving its headquarters and all processing operations to Syria within the next 4-6 weeks as a result of the measure. Several other U.S. based countries have followed suite and vowed to move operations to various Middle Eastern countries and Russia by month's end.