Kanye West was pronounced dead several weeks ago after eating shellfish, but Kanye West is alive!
WCNN - Reporter
September 29, 2014
Kanye was too weak to give a statement, but his publicist offered a brief release to the press, and Kanye released a quick photo along with the statement:
We are thrilled to have Kanye back! It has been an emotional few weeks on everyone close to him, but Kim has agreed not to marry Damon Thomas and remain married to Kanye, and Kanye's concert tour will no longer be canceled as a result of his death.
We have brought Kanye to a specialist* who confirmed he was not a zombie or possessed by any demons. This is actually Kanye West as we knew him. Doctors are still running tests, but early reports lean towards Kanye's incredibly low IQ to answer how he survived in a coffin for over 14 days and how doctors originally thought he was dead.
Apparently he is so dumb that his mind was able to hibernate after he lost oxygen flow and experienced blunt force trauma after falling down stairs during his shellfish episode. Much like a new computer - with nothing on it - his brain was able to shut down and start back up with little effort since there was no data to be processed.
Kanye has already started to write a new song depicting his time dead. We don't have a release date yet, but he is titling the new track "Unbound 3" as a play on his recent hit "Bound 2". He did want us to share one lyrical verse with the world:
I ate some fish, and I be droppin dead
I ran around and fell on my furry head
Tell my mom not to dread
I met an angel and he said his name was hell
We had sex and he told me not to tell
I never slept
The owners of www.iskanyewestdeadyet.com had to reluctantly change the status from "YES! FINALLY!" back to "No." today.