Senator attacked - students more political than once thought.
WCNN - Reporter
Yesterday afternoon (August 6, 2014) during a scheduled visit to Tumwater High School several students attacked the Senator, some armed with baseball bats others striking her with their fists. There were at least 4 students involved with the attack and their names have yet to be release. Murray is still in intensive care as of 4AM this morning (August 7, 2014).
Preventative legislation has already been announced through the state senate. The new legislation entitled the “Patty Murray Act” will actively ban all baseball bats from any school grounds in Washington. When asked what to do with the baseball diamonds that are constructed at nearly every school the spokesperson for the bill, Tim Schmitt, announced the baseball fields will be used strictly for non-competitive sports that do not involve such violence or potential for violent acts. Some of the sports mentioned included grass sitting while high, dust tossing and genital staring.
When asked what to do to prevent the students from attacking with their fists Tim announced the state senate is currently working on legislation to amputate hands from children and surgically replace with sock ‘em boppers. Tim said after much brainstorming amongst the senators they discovered the root cause for the majority of violence in the world is actually fully functioning hands. These hands can be used to pick up and throw objects, wield bats and worse off yield guns. If passed, the bill entitled, “Freedom is the devil act”, every newborn would have their hands amputated and replaced with small sets of boppers. The state will supply the family with boppers of all sizes as the children grow out of their sets. Anyone working for the state or their children would obviously not have this procedure done to take care of the rest of the population that has their hands replaced with the boppers. This bill is estimated to cost the state taxpayers and approximate $200 million over the next 10 years and is currently being reviewed by the legislators and fined tuned to ensure it costs much more than that.