WCNN - Reporter (we think...)
FUCHANG, CHINA - People in China are so sick of China they have resorted to making death simulator rides.
In a town we can't pronounce and theme park we can't begin to understand the name of, there is a ride sweeping the nation: "Death Simulator".
"Irts a wride arbouwrt drewth" says Ping Ping Pong the ride coordinator.
Tourists get to experience the following thrills:
- A tour of your own morgue with dead-live people acting like they're dead, but some are dead, we think. No one's actually sure on that one...
- Take a ride on the Coffin Conveyor Belt.
We were able to chat with some the riders to get their impression of the ride, and the results were unanimous - people hate China and can't wait to die.
"I fruwking hawte thris crountry!!" exclaimed one rider.
Other riders made similar comments:
"Wry dridn't threy krill me!? Whrat drid I paer frow?!"
"Scruicide wras thra answer."
"Mry nrame is Xou Ping Zong Lee and I hrate Chrina! Nrow ther'll crome arnd krill mer!"
WCNN staff promptly fled the park and flew to Japan where it is equally as fucked up, but less capital punishment-y.