Shoot anyone who uses the term "Snowmagedon" or "Snowpocolyps" says Republicans along the East Coast.
WCNN - [No Title Monday: Promoting a fair and even workplace, one day of the week]
What Kind of Snow Are We Talking About??
(If you still don't understand what we are talking about - see figure 1)
Snow Removal - An Administrations Worst Nightmare Since '79
A telling tale is the story of Michael Bilandic. "Don't be like Bilandic" is a ghost story murmered to scare new public officials into making snow removal the highest priority of a Mayors administration. Bilandic, the once Mayor of Chicago, lost the Democratic mayoral campaign to Jane Byrne in 1979. Ever since then, city officials dump in excess of 90% of their budgets into snow removal.
Even cities, known for sun and warm weather, plan their political strategy around ever city governments Achilles Heel - snow removal. Los Angles, for example, spent millions outfitting bums with snow plow attachments for their bikes in the event it ever snowed. The city also paid around $5,000 and another $10,000 in double cheeseburgers to send the aptly named "Bum Bashing Blizzard Brigade" or BBBB (that's the same thing, only shorter) to Wisconsin for two reasons: 1) To see what snow is, and 2) To learn how to operate their newly equipped bikes.
As expected, the training went terrible and most of the bums died due to exposure. Of the 43 sent to the training 5 returned unharmed, 15 had extensive frostbite, and the remaining bums were never found, but are presumed to be buried in a snow drift, under a frozen lake, or kidnapped and murdered, thus placing them in Idaho somewhere. All hypothesis are being accepted, but LAPD is still 5 ideas short of being able to forget about the case and put it in the "Cold or Old Case Knowledge-Reigning Idea Nesting Ground" or C.O.C.K.-R.I.N.G.
Fighting Within Local and State Government
Both states have agreed to making the terms "Snopocalyps", "Snowmagedon", or any variation illegal. Punishment is still being debated in both houses. The leading contenders are death by hanging and life imprisonment at Get-Mo. Both states are rushing the new bills and are expected to be signed by the governors mid next week.
"We don't even know how to spell 'media' - I think it starts with 'X'...how could we have done anything?" Said an insider with the Cuomo administration. They continued with "I mean that would be bad and, uh, uh, like bad.". Enough said.
The DNC has even chimed in, and the DNC agrees that these bills are not a partisan issue.
"We fully stand behind the Republican sponsored bill. It offers Democratic administrations later on equal protection when snow storms come about. The only thing we are in disagreement about, at this time, is what punishment to impose upon violation. Democrats wanted the first born of any offender killed, but we pulled that off the table after deciding it was too Jewish. Now we are debating the Democrat led death penalty option, or the Republican supported, life imprisonment at Guantanamo Bay. It's a futile effort to keep the torture factory open" said DNC Substitute Spokesman Zsar Jim Wong Ding Mussolini Smith Rodgers.