More NASCAR deaths
WCNN - Reporter
August 11, 2014
Stewart held a press conference later Sunday afternoon at 4 pm EST to discuss the horrible events that have unfolded over the deadly weekend. Stewart had the following to say, "My thoughts and prayers go out to the victim's family of my fellow dirt track racer, Kevin Ward. In regards to the bicyclist that I mowed down in the cycling event, words can not describe the emotions I'm feeling and I can only give you a visual interpretation...." Stewart shockingly then jumped on to the table and tore his pants down in front of the reporters and various onlookers defecating into his own hand not only once but twice and then said "I literally could not give these two shits about the cyclists that were in my way this morning." He them splattered the feces over the reporters in the front row and tried leaping off of the table but was hindered by the pants still around his ankles landing directly on his head. Stewart than began convulsing on the ground apparently having a seizure and became so angry he, as witnesses stated, "popped a boner." Police and medics arrived quickly on the scene arresting the then pant-less Stewart.
Trial is set to be held on September 30th for public indecency in regards to defecating and erection in public. The state is said to be rewarding Stewart with an undisclosed amount thanking him for his services with the overwhelming cyclist problem.