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Entertainment

Delivered only the way Elliot Spitsmen  can deliver

Emimem Slated to be the Next WWE Star

8/11/2014

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Slim Shady - a lyrical smack down has turned into a literal one

By: Elliot Spitsmen
WCNN - Entertainment Reporter 

August 11, 2014
PictureSlim Shady signing the deal
Marshal Mathers, aka Slim Shady, aka Eminem has gone from fighting via the mic to fighting via choreographed man-pounding mean, historically only fit for the ones fit enough to lift a bus over their heads!

Slim has signed a 4 year, $20,001.99 deal to make 4 appearances per week.  Slim released a statement to the press where he exclaimed "You know, this is going to be just like, um, my other ventures and forward-thinking opportunities."  When asked why he signed for so long for such little compensation he replied "Well, ha, dat dumb bitch Kim keeps suing me for all I gots, so this money is specifically set aside into a bucket she can't touch."

PictureThe Spiked Death Trio
Concerns have been raised about Slims physical condition (thoughts I too have), but Mathers insists his contract stipulates only his face is to be touched in matches "You know, my body is mine, the little that's left, but my face has been stolen by the public and media.  I want them to see my emotions on my face when I show up with black eyes, busted lips, you know what I mean?" - No slim - I have no idea what you mean.  


Eminem's first matchup is scheduled for the 2015 season against the "Spiked Death Trio" - a match that no speculates as ending well for Mathers.

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    Elliot "Ellie" Spitsmen

    Eliot Spitsmen joined the WCNN news team in 2012 after completing his decision sciences degree at the all male Humboldt University in Germany.  Needing someone with decisive deciding skills for our opinion blog we pick up Eliot after seeing him win the coveted Capitol Hill skipping, dancing and snapping triathlon.   We knew he had the work ethic to keep up with the large demand here at WCNN.  Eliot also owns a hamster only pet store and spends most of his days selling, trading and smelling the hamsters in his shop.

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