Due to a long history of hiding, lies, and cowardess, Italian men are required to take man classes
A Man Catches a Robbery on His GoPro in Argentina
After living through this event the man filming has offered up the following advice if you are being robbed at gunpoint:
1) Always argue with the man holding the gun.
2) Run if you can.
3) Make flailing motions like you are going to grab his gun, but don't actually grab the gun.
4) Make sure you run into a crowd.
5) If you can, try and kick the guy in the balls.
6) Try to open handed slap him in the face if you get the opportunity.
7) If you have keys try to key the motorcycle or car of the person with gun then run off.
8) Stop, Drop and Roll
9) Start doing jumping jacks.
10) Punch yourself in the face and yell, "I ain't afraid to die!"
Scotland Holds Vote Today and Succeeds from the UK
By Brent Bartlett Jr. III
September 18, 2014
The vote was held today for Scottish Independence. In a 52-48 split it appears that Scotland will indeed become independent. The votes are still coming in but the exit polls are clear and the Scottish Prime Minister, Alex Salmond, has announced that the Scotts will in fact be a separate nation as of today.
The vote was much helped by Mel Gibson showing up in Scotland over the weekend reenacting various parts of his famous film. Mel also used his utter hatred of Jews to help the Scotts fight for independence.
Scotts voting in favor of the independence have hit the streets in celebration - whereas all the Jews voting to stay part of the Jewocracy are grabbing their bags of coins and running for cover.
This is a historic moment for both the UK and Scotland. Scotland has been a part of the UK for over 300 years. We spoke to several Scotsmen on the streets and here is what a few of them had to say.
"Freedom! Freedom! Just kidding - no freedom. Actually Freedom! Sorry I am hammered and not sure what people are yelling for - how did the vote go?" - Abbot McNab
"Fuck the Jews!" - Bain MacIntosh
"I don't have to pull my pants down to shit - Shit Freedom!" -Red Kiltcrapper
"Take your gold back to London - Dickholes!" -Burk MacDonald
We can only assume Scotland will be just as terrible as it has been for 300 years under the rule of the UK. Both the UK and Scotland will remain in massive debt and the Media will report both the UK and Scotland will explode into a fiery mess of kilts and coins because of the succession vote.
Military Troops to Shoot at Ebola?
September 17, 2014
By Chet Dungweeder
Obama sends in 3,000 troops to fight the worldwide epidemic known as Ebola. Since Ebola came about six months ago almost 2,500 people have been killed by the disease. Of course Malaria and AIDs have killed over 600,000 people in that exact same time period but that's old and boring.
Ebola is fun to be fascinated by because it kind of reminds people of the Walking Dead or some sort of zombie flick. It's not spread by mosquitos or anything boring like that. It's spread by filth and bodily fluids - kinda like AIDS but more exciting.
Just like the 'Ice Bucket Challenge' that helped fight a disease that virtually killed nobody while 'real diseases' flourished rapidly - the American People and the politicians only care about what the media screams as interesting. Since Ebola is just so darn interesting Obama has sent in troops.
Obama's military campaign entitled ,"See I do things - wammy shoot ebola in it's face" is set to attack Ebola in full force. Obama plans on shooting guns into the unsanitary sewage systems that are fueling the disease. Once all the sewage systems are shot to shit he plans on having the troops shoot near the faces of the Ebola victims. This will hopefully scare the disease out of the Ebola victims.
America waits in suspension while the 3,000 troops get exposed to a disease equipped with guns to fight people.
A 10 month old boy was arrested for fear of disrupting the peace at local election
By: Chet Dungweeder
WCNN - Reporter
September 11, 2014
UTTAR PARADESH - A 10 month old boy and his father were booked on charges of coercion amid local elections in Uttar Paradesh. Two policemen are being investigated as to why a boy was held under these charges, but according to Indian law - people can do what they please and police can arrest people for nearly anything.
India is the world leader in child arrests ranging from coercion, as listed above, to assaulting an officer, witchcraft, and theft.Although this is legal in the country, police still takes gambles when doing it, but not because the people of the country care.
India is like the shifty friend in the corner who is quick to agree with you, wants to be your friend - but if you turn your back - they'll steal your things and through you under the bus.
Indian policemen are generally only held accountable for arresting children if the international community gets wind of it and publishes the findings internationally. They claim to have no tolerance for it, but time after time small children are arrested with outlandish claims made against them.
Gupta Singh, of the Thakurdwara police department told WCNN that the officers in question have already started their departmental procedures to suspend the two officers, but once the recorder was turned off he added "You should have seen their faces when we arrested the baby! Now that was funny! We usually arrest children just to take selfies with the parents because their facial expressions are hilarious!" Gupta Singh has denied making these statements, but fortunately for WCNN our hidden recorder pens (standard issue) caught the comments on tape.
Singh is now being investigated internally to decide what action to take on his comments.
The World Health Organization (WHO) is already planning talks with local leaders in the area to make sure the rest of the election proceedings go smoothly for everyone. Unofficial reports suggest that one of the candidates, who is left unnamed in the leaked memo, paid the police to capture the father and son because they looked like elves and he was afraid of them.
India is a very superstitious country, and nearly anything will scare them and cause great pandemonium, so it comes as no surprise to hear a politician publicly claim fear of something - especially when that something is an elf.