Terror Level 5 - Wanks Make Rubbish
August 29, 2014
Many people throughout the United States remember the terror levels that were constantly berated in front of everyone to ensure they watched nothing but the news to see what was next to be bombed. In the UK this same arbitrary guesswork and fear mongering is still at play. However their scale is slightly different than the American version.
The Terror levels for the UK are as follows:
Terror Level 5: Wanks Make Rubbish
Terror Level 4: Skew-whiff Mulims are sixes and sevens
Terror Level 3: On the piss brownies
Terror Level 2: Box your ears
Terror Level 1: Bloody Good Day
"What we're facing in Iraq now with ISIL is a deeper and greater threat to our security than we have known before," U.K. Prime Minister David Cameron said in a news conference from 10 Downing Street, referring to the Islamic State by its former name, the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant.
The interesting part about the scale is it actually has nothing to do with the current situation in Iraq or any terrorism for that matter. What the parliament does to come up with the terror level is a mixture of tests and procedures. First they go out on the town for a drink. After four to five hours of beer they start a round of late night cabbage toss. Five toss the cabbage around counterclockwise until one drops the cabbage. The person who drops the cabbage then grabs out of a hat the terror level. There are only a few level 5's so it is very rarely pulled. The high level has most of the UK on high alert.