How your Body Reacts to a McDonalds
First Ten Minutes: You have made your way through the drive thru at this point and ordered your Big Mac, diet soda and super sized fries and you body is now breaking down the 'food' you have just eaten. Ingesting this 'food' has involved substantial effort. Lifting the flabby arms of an average American can burn up to 20 calories per bite. Each fry ingested is actually a net calorie loss which is why most Americans will eat 6-8 meals per day to keep their massive systems operating. The Big Mac's kangaroo meat is now reacting with the diet pills inside of your stomach. This reaction causes and increase in grease to come out of the sweat glands. You body is trying to remove as much of the toxic mix up you have eaten as possible by any means necessary. The Big Mac will actually go into the 'express lane' of the body - bypassing the chips, diabetes medication, candy, soda and calzones that make up the rest of your stomach. Your bowels begin to rumble and you race off to a bathroom as you body tries to expel as much of the Big Mac as possible. Explosive diarrhea is common at this stage.
One Hour After: Your body has removed much of the Big Mac through gland grease and explosive diarrhea and now your body is trying to cope with the remainder of the ingredients. The buns are made out of a synthetic material similar to that of a sponge. The sponge bun is now absorbing any accidental vegetable ingestion that came with the Big Mac. If there happens to be any other natural ingredients in the stomach the sponge is working double time to absorb them and ensure you no longer have any desire to eat anything healthy. Big Mac's include (3) sponges to ensure all healthy items inside the stomach are thoroughly discarded of. The sponges have completed most of their work around 1 hour after ingestion.
Two Hours After: Now your starving. The 'special sauce' included in the Big Mac tricks your body into putting the entire meal into fat storage. You now need to eat another entire meal to fuel your video game play and / or chip eating (which is also a net calorie loss). You are most likely to order a pizza or yell at your mom to cook you something at this stage.
Four Hours After: Now you want another Big Mac. The pizza and your mom's gross sandwich are not doing the trick. You waddle over to your car and drive back to McDonalds to refuel. The act of waddling to your car will burn any 'mid-meal' items you have eaten in between Big Macs.
The scientists leading the efforts of this study were unable to find any test subjects that did not eat a Big Mac every 4 hours. So testing has been inconclusive on the results past 4 hours, given a new Big Mac is introduced into their systems.