Conforming to a new buyer, Levi, the popular jeans company, has announced a new line of clothing
WCNN - Lifestyle Reporter
August 28, 2014
Levi's, in a press statement, said the absorbent layer was to "wick away sweat [for a] more active and on-the-go generation". They also added new design features like longer pockets to accommodate larger cell phones and various devices.
An inside source at the company that asked to remain unnamed, said the press statement wasn't accurate, and the reasons for adding the absorbent layer was not for "sweat". "Levi's new line has nothing to do with expanded pockets for cell phones, or sweat absorption." Our source tells us. "Levi's was sick of having pictures of their products blasted all over Facebook and Google with people sharting in them!"
Apparently, sharting has been a raising trend among Americans, and most blame the socially terrible act of sharting on the abundance of fast food, and generally terrible eating choices of most Americans.
In a study conducted by WCNN we found that 89% of the people questioned have sharted in public, with the remaining 11% saying they couldn't stop to talk because they had to run home and change. We can only suspect that they had to do so because they had sharted.
Levi's refused to answer our repeated attempts to get a statement on the allegations that the only reason for releasing this new product line was to stem poor publicity. Levi's has been a leading brand among youth, and college aged kids as well as most in the middle-class.
It has been demonstrated time after time, that if a brand is correlated with a "social-life-killer" such as sharting, said brand will tank in sales.