A new Federal Way proposal to invent and install drawbridge crosswalks has locals ready to leave, but there's a catch...
WCNN Washington State Corespondent
August 6, 2014
"We tried to look at ways to promote more walking, and walking more safely in the streets of Federal Way" Margret Clark, Federal Way's City Planner, said in a press release Tuesday night. "We were thinking and looking for ways to safely promote our goals for the city until it dawned on us that crosswalk drawbridges would meet all our needs, and make for the safest way to cross our busy streets" Clark added.
The system has yet to be invented, but initial ideas submitted to the city include a wide array of designs all aimed at making an ascetically pleasing bridge as well as a highly expensive bridge.
The design is proposed to create a total blockade of the main roads in Federal Way any time a pedestrian presses the crosswalk button. The city has also included plans for military grade vehicle stopping devices in advance of the crosswalk drawbridges both prior to the drawbridge deployment, and to remain in effect after the drawbridges have been installed. If this addition is passed through legislation it will add approximately $200 million.
The city proposes a 45% property tax increase, a reduction in school funding to be reallocated to the construction efforts, and a yearly "rental" fee of 20% on each citizens yearly pay in order to remain a resident of Federal Way. The proposed budget also includes language that offers no loop holes, nor will any citizen be able to opt out of these fees and taxes. There is also a newly passed bill that requires a seller to pay an additional 6% of their proceeds to the city that is listed an "Offense Tax".
"We feel that, although these proposed projects will be a major financial investment and burden on some families, they will make Federal Way an international destination for people who love walking" Clark says. When questioned about the "Offense Tax" city council member Dini Duclos provided the following statement: "Federal Way has become internationally acclaimed destination and this city council has offered some of the most progressive legislation the world has ever seen. We as the council are offended if someone decides to leave, and we feel that the city should be compensated for that families contributions not landing in our coffers. It is the least they can do to benefit the public at large".
"There is no way can live here anymore. It's impossible for me to afford the additional 20% on top of the taxes, it's too hard." Says Dani Ray Jongly a local pan handler. "I can only afford 1 fifth of whisky and three double cheeseburgers per day as it is. They'll be taking the drink and food right out of my mouth!" She later added. One of the proposed drawbridge sites will cut Dani's tent in half, but when asked if Dani could move her tent she said "Did the Mormon's on Bunker Hill move when the Spanish were invading Boston? Did a monkey run away when we launched it into the Pacific Ocean? NO!! So why, now, would I move?".
So the citizens of Federal Way can rest easy knowing they'll have the safest cross walks on earth, but simply walking down the sidewalk could get you stabbed, kidnapped, raped, or mugged, or murdered.
Federal Way has just released an amendment to their proposal that adds a clause for crime prevention and sidewalk safety. Federal Way intends on signing a 10 year, $300 million contract with Blackwater Private Security firm - a struggling private security company who suffered terribly publicity for torturing Afghan and Iraqi citizens in the first years of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Federal Way's proposed contract is currently deemed classified as it lists a number of secret biological and chemical weapons as well as top secret locations to assist and aid security forces in eradicating local gangs and anyone thought to have connections with gang members.