K-Mart CEO Announces Housing Addition to all Store Locations
OKLAHOMA CITY - K-Mart CEO Eddie Lampert has announced his new plan to revamp the collapsing K-Mart brand that he acquired in 2003 when K-Mart was facing bankruptcy. Sales have fallen to record lows for the store and Lampert knew he had to make a drastic change to keep the chain alive.
The store layout was designed in a way that the meth addicts wandering through can randomly find whatever it is they forgot they came in for. The back half of most K-Marts is a dim lit area with clothes, food and baby toys mixed together in some sort of hap hazard fashion. This allows someone not knowing what they want to find something they certainly didn't want. This has lead many of the stores shoppers to wander around for hours confused and sweaty. Lampert has decided to 'trap' some of them into paying for housing utilizing the confusing floor pattern. Once a patron passes through the candy / milk / used coffee mug aisle near the back of the store there will be flashing florescent lights that will attract them to housing area.
Once the shoppers have ended up in the housing area they will most likely want to lay down for a nap. Given once a meth addict starts taking a nap they sleep for 3-4 days, Lampert is hoping to capitalize on this and make the shoppers pay prior to leaving the store. Much like a 'layaway' section - the shoppers may be stuck in the housing area until they pay for their stay or a family member posts 'layaway' for them - possibly trading another item for their 'trapped' family member.
Lampert is assuming this trend will catch on and possibly help to keep the homeless off the streets and in his stores. The store housing will also be offered to everyone working at K-Mart. This will save the employees their typical 5-10 minute walking commute from the bench they were sleeping under or the dumpster they were sleeping in.