When the poor were asked how they will vacate the country most stumbled.  "Well maybe I can ask for a government loan for bus fare to Canada," one indicated.  Others have mentioned hitch-hiking or smoking enough meth to make the run up to Canada.

Canadian citizens are beginning to show concern they may be flooded with poor immigrants looking for free handouts if anyone besides Sanders is elected. 

The poor indicated they had hoped Obama would end the torture of faking job applications to extend unemployment but he has failed on his socialist goals. 

Some of the poor have mentioned they have had to become drug addicts to then 'recover' to qualify for welfare benefits as their unemployment runs out.  They all hope that Sanders is elected and can bring them as much money as they want without having to pretend find jobs and fake drug addictions.

  SEATTLE WA - Native American's are warning of a new tsunami to hit the PNW based on an ancient story that predicted the last tsunami that hit the PNW in the 1700's.

Below is the full context of the story and it seems to be that history is repeating itself amongst the Native Americans which could be predicting another tsunami.


Waters Flow In
By Chief Eagle Talon (written in 1645)
Land full bounty and fish.  Lots to share for everyone.
Everyone get fat.  Get real fat off fish and berries.
People stop caring about looks.  People smelly and fat.
Land of excess turns to land of trash.  People wallow in trash.
Leader give free fish and berries even to the fatties.
Fatties get fatter.  Trash mountain gets higher.
Mother Earth Otter get angry.  Mother Earth Otter slap tail.
Water from Mother Earth Otter smash to land and kill people.
Trash returns to sea.  Mother Earth Otter Eat Trash at Sea.
Mother Earth Otter Happy.

This poem sends chills down the spine of anyone living near or on a reservation in the PNW.  Almost everything in the poem is happening again and it appears Mother Earth Otter may take care of things her way again.  We can only hope there is some warning before any tsunami comes to shore.

KANSAS CITY, MO - The Grand Wizard of the KKK, Joe Walden has announced his group will begin to partner with the BLM movement due to enormous similarities between the two groups.  The KKK has had the reputation of being anti-black over the years but has substantially changed their tune to incorporate all racism regardless of what color the racist's skin is.

Joe Walden has issued the following similarities / differences list to prove BLM has much in common with the KKK in hopes of a partnership.

Similarities:
-The KKK and BLM are made up almost entirely of racist white people.
-Both groups share almost the exact same average IQ level.  BLM average is 98 and the KKK is 97.
-Both groups are the direct cause of murder based on racism.  Although the KKK admits it has been slacking lately in light of the recent BLM police murders.
-Both groups know how to manipulate the media into helping fan the flames of hatred.  The KKK excelled at this during the 1940's and BLM is currently using the media to get cops killed.
-Hatred of policemen is rampant in both groups.
-Joblessness is nearly 100% in both groups.  Both groups blame the president for lack of employment.
Differences:
-There are not as many blacks in the KKK.

Walden hopes the general racism of both groups will unite them against the real enemy which is policemen.

Some have accused Walden of wanting to partner with the BLM movement because the BLM movement has been responsible for completely destroying black communities in Baltimore and throughout the country.  Walden has refused to comment on the allegations but ensures WCNN that his goals are simply to unite all racists regardless of skin color.

LAKEWOOD WA - Verizon Wireless employees have banded together to no longer allow non-English speaking Koreans in their Corporate Store Locations.  This ban will not apply to third party Verizon Wireless stores.  The Verizon Wireless store workers have been harassed on a daily basis by Korean Immigrants trying to get their international calling application to work on their phones.

Several times a day they have to tell the non-English speaking Koreans to 'turn their internet back on' to get their app to work.  The Koreans then get angry with the employees and continue to argue with them about how to make it work.  This can take up to 20 minutes per Korean visiting their store which is costing the Western Washington Verizon territory up to $10k per month throughout the territory in wasted time.  The Verizon workers could be milling around on their phones and staring at walls but instead are forced to deal with very annoying Korean customers.

The Verizon workers complain that many times per day the same Koreans will come back into the shop.  They will explain again to 'turn the internet back on' and they will eventually just shut it back off and return to the store.

Most of their otherwise non-productive day is spent dealing with these Koreans.  Signs are to go up on all Western Washington locations near to Korea Town or any other place in danger of annoing Koreans showing up. 

Verizon has yet to reply to the request by the Korean Immigration Rights leader to allow Koreans back in the stores but for the time being there will be no Koreans allowed in any of their effected corporate locations.

DENMARK - A weeklong meeting amongst scientists worldwide has concluded today and the findings are quite grave for mankind and all organic life on earth for that matter.  One thing all scientists have always agreed on is the climate has changed over the billions of years the earth has been here.  It has always changed.  Sometimes it was warmer with as much as 20 times as much carbon dioxide in the atmosphere and sometimes it was cooler with much less carbon dioxide. 

Scientists have been back and forth over the past three decades saying either 'Global Warming' or 'Global Cooling' has been caused by man and will effect life as we know it.  Now the common term is 'Global Climate Change'. 

Scientist just discovered that everything they once thought about climate change has been incorrect.  The climate in the near future will begin to stop changing.  'Global Climate Stagnancy' will begin in approximately two years (October 14, 2017 to be exact).  When it happens your will know.  The climate will no longer change like it has done for billions of years - now it will be stagnant.  This will have dire effects on all organic beings.

Think of a stagnant pond.  Nothing changes around and bacteria grows.  It becomes undrinkable for humans.  The same will happen when the climate stops changing - air will become nearly unbreathable.  Instead of wind pushing the air around for us to breath, the air will stay in the same spot.  Humans and animals will now have to sprint around with their mouths open to catch a breath.  Air bacteria will also grow making it harder for people with asthma to catch a breath. 

With this new found Global disaster pending the scientific community is asking for $100 Billion from Governments around the world to help study and combat the pending global stagnancy.  They are unsure of the exact cause of it but are certain without billions of dollars in funding everyone will die shortly after Global Climate Stagnancy begins.  We all hope the scientists get the funding they need to help save us all before the pending disaster on October 14, 2017.

September 10, 2015, By Ellie Spitsmen

OKLAHOMA CITY - K-Mart CEO Eddie Lampert has announced his new plan to revamp the collapsing K-Mart brand that he acquired in 2003 when K-Mart was facing bankruptcy.  Sales have fallen to record lows for the store  and Lampert knew he had to make a drastic change to keep the chain alive.  

The store layout was designed in a way that the meth addicts wandering through can randomly find whatever it is they forgot they came in for. The back half of most K-Marts is a dim lit area with clothes, food and baby toys mixed together in some sort of hap hazard fashion.  This allows someone not knowing what they want to find something they certainly didn't want.  This has lead many of the stores shoppers to wander around for hours confused and sweaty.  Lampert has decided to 'trap' some of them into paying for housing utilizing the confusing floor pattern.  Once a patron passes through the candy / milk / used coffee mug aisle near the back of the store there will be flashing florescent lights that will attract them to housing area.


Once the shoppers have ended up in the housing area they will most likely want to lay down for a nap.  Given once a meth addict starts taking a nap they sleep for 3-4 days, Lampert is hoping to capitalize on this and make the shoppers pay prior to leaving the store.  Much like a 'layaway' section - the shoppers may be stuck in the housing area until they pay for their stay or a family member posts 'layaway' for them - possibly trading another item for their 'trapped' family member.


Lampert is assuming this trend will catch on and possibly help to keep the homeless off the streets and in his stores.  The store housing will also be offered to everyone working at K-Mart.  This will save the employees their typical 5-10 minute walking commute from the bench they were sleeping under or the dumpster they were sleeping in.

The outspoken rapper Kanye West announced his candidacy for the 2020 presidential race at the VMA's this past weekend.  Since his announcement the American People have been curious on what his plan will be for America.   Kanye has listed his 10 step plan for "Making America back Good and Stuff."

Step 1:  Balance the Budget.  Nahh I ain't see no reason for this.  We done just need tell China to slam what we owe them up there sideways asses.

Step 2: Repermarations.  That's right - give all blacks money for slavery.  Blacks will in turn instantly squander this money making the econ back good.

Step 3:  Make peace back in Middle Earth!  My wife is an expert in the subject and she can be a diplomat to Middle Earth.

Step 4: Stop them hurricanes!  Them damn hurricanes just get spun up by the white, racists to kill all the blacks.  Need to go where they start and slap them wind machines and fans out them bitches hands.

Step 5: Kim sends nudies to pissed off foreign leaders and maybe some handies for guys that are real bad like Putin.  Ain't no country gonna be mad at the US after gettin' some off dat ass.

Step 6: White lives stink.  That's right them racist ass whities stink.  Don't like what they do - throw em in jail.

Step 7: Turn all manufacturing plants into rapper schools.  I made millions in rap - so why can't everyone.

Step 8: Build a big ass wall between the US and Mexico.  Yeah I stole that from Trump but I don't like them Mexicrats much either.

Step 9: Abolish cops.  Cops be killing all the black children.  Cops can do other stuff like be a chef or something.

Step 10: Rename Kim's ass Mounts Everyone.

By: Chet Dungweeder
WCNN - Reporter

SEATTLE - Uber has gained popular notoriety as one of the leading ride-share apps and companies around the country.  This rings more true in tech centers like Seattle, San Francisco, and New York.  Lift is among other ride-share platforms found in common use, but as quickly as apps and popular grass-roots companies get traction, changes in the foundations of these companies change as well. 

A new company has blossomed from the tit of soil toiled by the "big-dogs", but it has a new feel; a new attitude.

ScrewBer is the latest ride-share app and company to hit the market.  Unlike many companies, ScrewBer aims to to provide no customer service whatsoever.  The CEO Rod Fiddlewits told this to CNET 

The company is being praised as revolutionary by critics and the business model is already being debated and accepted among industry experts and college campuses alike.  

Even Donald Trump offered his opinion: "I find this new model of 'Fuck You' business a modern take on an age old understanding of what we think it means to run a business.  I've been running a 'Fuck Me' business for far too long.  ScrewBer has changed the face of business in America, and in turn, I will run a ‘Fuck You’ America if elected for President in 2016!” 

ScrewBer is an ride-share app available on Android and Apple devices, but there is a $100.00 fee to download the app, and the ride costs vary between $30 per mile and $900 per mile depending on time and day.  ScrewBer says it's late night service will include DUI incrimination, and it's holiday service "On-Time Guarantee" actually means they will not show up, but they will charge the user the estimated trip fees in advance.

The GPS tracking system often engages drivers from other states meaning the average ride cost was around $15,000.  ScrewBer does offer in-house financing that they say goes directly to collections.

"We want our riders and drivers to be indebted to us for life." Ron Fiddlewits released in a statement.

The company has already earned an estimated $4.2 Million in investors and revenue and says the app will launch "when ever the fuck we feel like launching it." 

SAN ANTONIO, TX - Texas is in the "Bible Belt" of America.  For a long time, it has been the home of the religious right, and today's news is no exception.


Dr. John Hagee, founder and senior pastor of the Cornerstone Church in San Antonio is leading the charge in urging law makers to make it illegal for a woman to use the lords name in vain.  He quotes one of the Ten Commandments: "You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain." (Exodus 20:7).

Dr. Hagee went on to add: "Thus, God was instructing the Israelite's to avoid using his name in a useless, disrespectful way.  Instead, the Israelite's were supposed to revere the name of God and use it in a serious, considerate way."  He said some other stuff, but it was boring so we didn't write anymore of it.

Dr. Hagee is taking such a passion with this stance that he would like to see persecution of a swift and direct nature on anyone who uses the Lord's name in vain.  Hagee would like to see "[the] no grater sin than a woman using the Lords name in vain during sex." strictly enforced.  

"I would like to see armed militia standing outside of each person's bedroom - specifically those with a healthy sex life - and I want any woman who uses the Lord's name to be rounded up and sent to jail.  Since the Bible tells us that anyone breaking this commandment should die, I propose that any offender be sentenced to death immediately."

There have been rumors that Dr. Hagee is a "fudge packer", a street term used to describe a homosexual male, and that this is all an effort to remove the woman from daily life leaving many mor desperate and frustrated males on the streets for Dr. Hagee to prowl.

"He is, um like, sooooo gay and likes as many objects as possible to be put up hissss butt" says one unidentified faggot who claims to have regular sex with the pastor.  "I once shoved a spoon up his ass after taping it my dick." the source added, in great and graphic detail, even showing us the slightly brown spoon.