The Findings of the University of Washington's 4-Year Study on the 'Hipster Culture' are Now in.
September 23, 2014
A group of eight students from the University of Washington undertook a four year study on the 'hipster culture'. to understand the ways, health habits, trends, thoughts and various other items that make up the 'hipster culture' that dominates the Seattle resident's demographic.
The students realized there is actually 6 various levels of hipster and they are listed as follows:
Level 1 Hipster (Hip-Curious) This stage of hipster is typically either someone who has just moved to Seattle or just finds the hipster look to be something they want to take part in. They see the 'uniqueness' of the various hipsters and want to do exactly what they do so they can also be 'unique'. At this level they are still eating fast foods and partaking in various other 'commercial' fads. They are still driving cars and going to sporting events. Scarfs may be worn but not with every outfit and typically in the winter.
Protesting is at a low in the Hip-Curious stage. The person may have thought about attending a protest but hasn't actually taken the time off work to do so. Bathing is still a regular activity and the 'messy' look is at a low.
Coffee is consumed a few times per week and the looks of people in the coffee shop are beginning to rub off.
Level 2 Hipster (Scarf & Tie Douche) At this level the subject is starting to wear scarves with every possible outfit. Beautiful sunny day? How about a large scarf to show that I fit right into Seattle culture. Interview? Why not a tie with a tee shirt to prove I am certainly not qualified for even the simplest of positions.
Glasses are beginning to become more 'square' shaped and homosexual thoughts are increasing. Much time is spent at various trendy shops spending hundreds of dollars for 'hobo style clothes'.
Coffee is consumed exclusively at Starbucks at least 3-4 times per day at this level. 'Conforming' is becoming more and more appalling while attire is becoming increasingly similar to everyone else. Thoughts of protest are beginning to sound appealing.
This level of hipster will attend every protest that Seattle has to offer. No way will you find this level at any 'corporate' job or any job for that matter. Conformists go to jobs. Hipsters donate their time to others who donate things back - kind of like a job - but also exactly the same as a job. The only difference being instead of trading currency they have loaves of vegan meatloaf to trade for expensive clothing.
Level 4 Hipster (Darkening Dipshit) A profound change comes when the hipster reached Level 4. The hipster has typically been a hipster for 1-2 years prior to reaching this stage. Clothing darkens and outlook on life begins to fade. Realizing the world is full of death, meat-eating and profitable corporations this level of hipster starts wearing darker clothes to embrace their darkness inside.
Angry out lashes begin to become more common and instead of Mumford and Sons concerts they are now attending local punk bands. Coffee is consumed late at night and sometimes in the late morning or early afternoon.
At this level the subjects parents are typically asked for some cash as years of joblessness has left them low on trade items to change out their wardrobe.
Level 5 Hipster (Full Blown Emo) Sick of conforming to the ways of the other hipsters - at this level the hipsters completely change to be exactly the same as another group of Seattlites. Their clothing becomes darker and they begin to hate almost everything that anyone likes. Smiling faces anger this group. Attention is wanted at a higher level to reward them for the darkening of their outfits.
To bring any attention possible to themselves (without the use of good personality or appearance) they begin wearing chains and piercing most of their face holes. Attaining any real job is at a near hopeless level.
Alone time is rising in hopes people will notice they are alone and give them the attention they are looking for.
Level 6 Hipster (Suicidal Goth) Need for attention is at an all time high. As anger for everything increases, friends are coming harder and harder to attain. Most of the lower level hipsters have completely abandoned them at this point. Clothing becomes more and more outlandish to get as many people as possible looking at them.
The attention they receive at this phase is primarily weird looks. This is the attention the goth is looking for but it is in a negative manner. This puts the goth into deeper and deeper depression.
Growing up in the suburbs around Seattle has proved to be the hardest thing any person throughout history has done. Self pity reaches all time highs. Why can't I get a job and have friends they wonder? Why is everything so hard? Why don't people like me? This is a dangerous stage of hipster because they will often end up blasting their brains out because they have it just so hard.